2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
that is very illegal...i love you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
