Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
