I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
