I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
