did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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