I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's the barista slut.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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