My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
