Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
