we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
