Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
