do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
