Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
