I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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