dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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