I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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