Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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