forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
