dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
