he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
