Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
