i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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