All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
