The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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