Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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