it wasn't lemon gatorade
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
