ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
