He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
