dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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