come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
