no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
