Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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