Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I deserve this hangover.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
