My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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