I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
