i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
