he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
