I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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