Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
