I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
