Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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