So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news, I just burned my penis
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
