"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
