How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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