i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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