I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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