There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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