So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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