I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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