Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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