i don't like sucking hair
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
