Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
