I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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