Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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