I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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