Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
